Remember school assemblies? Pep rallies, career days, public service announcements… I don’t know many kids that actually gave a rat’s proverbial patootie what the assembly was about. We were all just happy to get out of math class and huddle together in the school gymnasium, being irreverent and rowdy and generally pretty indifferent towards whatever was being presented to us.
"Drugs are Bad, M'kay?"
If you were a Canadian kid growing up in the 90’s, this article might trigger a memory from somewhere deep within the recesses of your mind about one such assembly. The way my husband tells the story, the assembly he attended was a classic “drugs are bad” PSA. These were mostly put on by local police forces, at the end of which, every kid got their grubby and (probably) sticky little paws on their very own FREE copy of “The Amazing Spider-Man #1: Skating on Thin Ice!”
Enter Spidey the Drug Fighter, Sort of...
If, like me, you were one of the unfortunate souls who weren’t privileged enough to experience this little gem of Canadiana in your youth, here’s what you missed out on:
“The Amazing Spider-Man #1: Skating on Thin Ice!” was the first of a three-volume run, followed by “The Amazing Spider-Man #2: Double Trouble” and “The Amazing Spider-Man #3: Hit and Run!”
While there was also an American version of this comic, today, we’re going to focus on the Canadian edition.
The comic was notably written by the renowned Dwayne McDuffie and the cover art was rendered by Calgary’s very own, equally respected and renowned artist, Todd McFarlane. Further, it featured Canadian hockey legend Herb Carnegie. You would expect a product birthed by these powerhouses to be truly amazing, and unfortunately, you’d be very wrong. While seriously hilarious, this publication definitely missed the mark on being an effective PSA and is, well, complete cringe fodder.
Canadiana in Pop Culture
With all that said, there are many small Canadian easter eggs littered throughout the pages of this comic that I feel still make it a really fun read for us Canucks. The cover art, which is in McFarlane’s notably busy and extremely detailed style, features a (somewhat traumatized looking) kid wearing an Edmonton Oilers jersey. This is pretty awesome, even if you’re not an Oilers fan (ahem!), because where else are you going to see an Oilers jersey displayed so prominently in pop culture?
This comic REALLY leans into the Canadian hockey stereotype. Throughout the book, the kids are either playing hockey or walking around carrying hockey sticks, for no apparent reason. The drugs are being smuggled into Canada inside... get ready for it... hollowed-out hockey pucks! And in the end, the children attack Electro and get him pretty good with some really well-aimed slap shots.
Also, this edition was apparently partially sponsored by Canada Post and thus, the inside front cover is a full-page ad for Canada Post’s Stamp Travellers’ Club.
There’s a reference in the story to Spider-Man receiving renumeration for his reporting from the Daily Bugle, in which they talk about the “cheque” he will receive, spelled the Canadian way, as opposed to the American way (check).
Further, the book contains a full-page PSA from CP Rail with the tag line “WHAT CAN WRECK YOUR LIFE WITH THE POWER OF A SPEEDING TRAIN? DRUGS!!” and further down the page, “… REMEMBER THESE WORDS FROM CP RAIL… DRUGS ARE THE WRONG TRACK!!”
The back cover is another PSA, this time from Health and Welfare Canada, which has an address that kids can use to send away for the “Really Me INFORMATION BOOKLET” for free. The booklet apparently contained “information about alcohol and other drugs that can help guide the drug decisions of people at any age.” I kind of wish I could get my hands on a copy of that booklet. I’ll bet it was a hoot to read.
The bulk of the story takes place in Winnipeg, Manitoba and the children hang out at the ridiculously named Winnipeg Mall, which I’m pretty sure is a completely made-up place. And honestly, that makes the whole thing even funnier. Spider-Man also has a nice, long chat with Herb Carnegie. It’s not explained in the story who Carnegie is, which in my opinion is a nod to the fact that the story is written for Canadians, who presumably would know him. There is, however, a blurb at the end of the book called “MEET SOME REAL CHARACTERS” that talks about the real-life Carnegie as well as a boy named Peter, who was apparently an eleven-year-old Torontonian, who’s experiences this story was purportedly based on.
All's Well That Ends Well
By the end of the comic, as expected, Spider-Man saves the day by taking down the drug smuggling Electro and his goons. The children decide that drugs are, indeed, bad. And while there is absolutely nothing educational in the story about the negative effects of drugs, other than a vague reference to the fact that Alan doesn’t play hocky as well as he normally does, while doubtlessly under the influence, all’s well that ends well. This comic is hilariously bad but also so much fun to read! So, I would highly recommend digging through your basements and attics to find your own free copy or trying to get your mitts on one to purchase. It’s worth it. You’ll laugh. I promise.
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